Wednesday - 11:56 a.m.

People Who Shopped for This Item Also Shopped For…

Mr.Oaf was browsing through the pages of Amazon the other day and noticed that those fine synergistic capitalists have now incorporated the services of a big ‘n’ nasty chain store to offer users the option of buying clothes on line.

We at TEZNEZCO! are all for synergy. It was Teddy who came up with the whole idea for “synergy” – putting one thing together with another thing to create a third thing. (So if you ever wondered whose idea it was to put coffee inside a bookshop, the opportunity to buy cigarettes and milk in a video shop or buy porn magazines at a dry cleaner… he’s the bear who started it).

We were somewhat taken aback when we were looking at the entry for the apparently excellent Flaming Lips album Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots to discover that “People who wear clothes also shop for clean underwear”. There are many things wrong with that statement. Teddy and Nesbitt, as it is well known, eschew the wearing of pants, finding them too restrictive and limits the amount of arse in any given 24 hour period. However, the bears are also very well dressed on their upper or “trunk area”, Teddy wearing the famous wainscoting style jacket and Nesbitt the almost more famous red jumper. Even Bim favours a nice tie.

So, it seems that there are people out there shopping online because they either prefer being completely nude or are so poor they simply can’t go outside. It implies, obviously, that some people don’t shop for clothes… So who are they? People like Mr. Oaf who doesn’t know much about fashion but knows what he likes (and thus lets the bears and Mrs. Oaf make his decisions for him) or people who have perhaps never ever worn clothes.

“Where does this land of no clothes exist”, asks Mr. Oaf. “Across the mountains and far away,” explains Teddy gently.

So what are they wearing these people “who wear clothes?”

Clean underwear… there must be people in the world with dirty underwear. What a horrible thought.

Ladybug Rain Boots… “You need boots in the rain,” says Teddy. But ladybugs? That seems cruel and unusual.

Pet Socks… “Well,” explains Teddy. “These would be people who can’t have Beagles or cats, people who live in apartments or perhaps in the Antarctic where taking pets for walks would be prohibitively cold.”

Puppy Footed One-Pieces For Newborns… “I no longer wish to discuss this cruelty to animals,” says Teddy.

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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