Wednesday - 10:22 a.m.

Mr. X Update

Mr. X was like the friend Mr. Oaf had to have. Mr. Oaf was paying penance for his own past bad behaviour by putting up with Mr. X’s. Like a lot of people with a “problem”, Mr. X is a wonderful guy. He can be funny and compassionate and amusing and generous and a lot of fun. Except, of course, when the “problem” gets in the way.

Mr. Oaf would listen to Mr. X for hours until it was his turn to speak, say a few words, and then listen some more as the ambling, digressive monologue continued. Mr. Oaf had been advised by an ex-friend of Mr. X’s that the only way he’d be forced onto the straight and narrow was if he declined in either encouraging Mr. X’s “problem” or partaking in it with him. Mr. Oaf thought that that sounded reasonable but somehow he found himself at the Darlo Bar watching Mr. X kick a doll across the road and then threaten to punch Mr. Oaf on the nose.

Mr. X would always start his monologue the same way, recounting his recent exploits. Mr. Oaf heard tales of how Mr. X had busted his hand by climbing over the back fence of his house, only it wasn’t his house, it was the neighbour’s house and they’d called the cops. (After spending a few hours in the back of a paddy wagon, the cops had let him go with a warning). Then the next day he couldn’t remember why he hadn’t just gone through the front door of his house in the first place.

There were stories about punching various people, or at least threatening to punch someone, boring dinner parties Mr. X had gone to where he’d insulted other guests - or the host - and gone home in disgrace. There were the girls that he’d slept with while, at the same time, asserting the suspicion that his girlfriend had been unfaithful.

Mr. Oaf put up with a lot of bad behaviour from Mr. X himself because he knew, aside from “the problem”, Mr. X was a good guy. But that impression started to fade. Mr. X claimed that one of Mr. Oaf’s closest and oldest friends was a “plagiarist” a pretty heavy and actionable claim had it been uttered in public. Then Mr. X went to a gallery opening and made that claim in public. It was supposed to be a “joke” of sorts, but it was backfiring horribly. Mr. Oaf’s friend got on the phone and asked Mr. X what the hell he was talking about. At first Mr. X denied it but then blamed Mr. Oaf for not explaining in advance that it was a joke. How Mr. Oaf could have known in advance that Mr. X would make that claim is a mystery. Anyway…

Mr. Oaf was on the phone talking to Adam. (Mr. X has been stalking Adam for some time, admiring his style and content and wanting a bit of that action). The broad brush strokes of Adam’s update are these: Adam arrived at Mr. X’s house to take him to the theatre to see Adam’s cousin in the closing night of his well reviewed production of Waiting For Godot. Mr. X had been to a wedding that afternoon and been sent home by his girlfriend for bad behaviour, (punching some guy who Mr. X claimed was trying to pick her up). He was completely out of it but insisted that he was ready to go. In the cab, Mr. X threw up but recovered enough to get into the theatre. It was at this point that Adam noticed Mr. X’s fine Italian shirt, suit and shoes – but the alarming absence of socks. Adam went to the toilet but when he came back, Mr. X had run off. No sign of him and he didn’t return.

Mr. Oaf had been feeling bad that he had not bothered to call Mr. X for some months. When X stopped ringing Mr. Oaf, there was a great sense of relief.

Reverse Cowgirls, Uke King of The Uke & 350,000 Clicks A Week

Mr. Oaf is ashamed to say that he knows The Reverse Cowgirl web log and indeed, even the derivation of the name (he saw it in a video once). Nothing sells like sex, not even a smart bear in a wainscoting style jacket, and he has to tip the cap to sisters who are doing it for themselves. TEZNEZCO! were mightily impressed by stats – clicks – and were gobsmackingly gobsmacked to see that she’s getting 350,000 clicks a week, month or something. No wonder they’re talking about turning the blog into a TV show. (Although we wonder what TV channel would screen actual “reverse cowgirls” and who’d admit to watching it…)

Thanks to our new best friend Uke The King of The Uke , who has given a nice link from Fametracker and increased traff ice to TEZNEZCO! by a whopping 0.3% We’re just so proud when people like us for who we are, not who we’re supposed to be, why… we feel like declaring a public holiday. (Teddy used to have to power of proclamation, but he lost it in a crooked card game to some guy who was writing the constitution).

We’ve been wracking our brains trying to figure out how to make ourselves more popular because, as everyone knows, life is just one big popularity contest. We were thinking of going a bit like Squirrel X and mentioning Elvis and old timey religion and talkin’ like some characters out of O’ Brother Where Art Thou? (And just as a by-the-way, don’t you think the man, and by that we mean the man is Johnny Cash, the John The Baptist to the Jesus that was Elvis? We’re Old Testament round here)… But that’s the Squirrel’s thing and we can’t go there.

Then Nesbitt came up with a brilliant idea… Let’s franchise TEZNEZCO!!!

A Short Message From Teddy

“He may be the king of Uke but he doesn’t control the weather…”

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

DiaryReview