Rainy Day - 10:08 p.m.

How Goes It In The World of Arse?

It’s a bunch of arse here at TEZNEZCO! (The Company Run By Bears ™). But that’s just normal operating procedure.

Rain, Rain, Go Away, Come Back Another Day

It what may be a catastrophic reversal of the El Ninõ effect, we have been experiencing almost non-stop rain for days and days and days. Whenever the El Nino effect is operation, this side of the Pacific Ocean is dry as a bone whereas those poor people living on the Nazca Plains (that place where they carved all those amazing pictures into the ground to either a) appease the gods or b) signal to alien pilots that that was a good place to set down) is drenched with rain. Normally, it should be the other way around, (Australia damp, Nazca Plains, not damp). Either things have finally started going right or we’re experiencing some sort of reversal. We’ll get back to you on that…

It’s Almost That Time of Year Again

Yes, it’s almost time for the HQ Short Story Competition and Mr. Oaf is planning his moves. In consultation with an inside source we are planning on new stories to ‘wow’ the judges. Mr. Oaf’s plan is to research the last ten years worth of winners and see if there are any constants in the theme, style, subject, voice or tone of the past winners. He will also attend the HQ Short Story Competition Forum at this year’s Sydney Writer’s Festival to see what they have to say.

Mr. Oaf is hoping that they will actually tell him how to win, but he knows enough about these kinds of events to know that they’ll just be saying all the things writers say. Speaking with a lovely lady at the Literature Board recently, Mr. Oaf was startled to discover that if you submit a typed, spell checked and clearly printed short story into a competition, you’re already ahead of the pack.

The problems then ensue; should my story be in the first person? Should my story concern a traumatic experience as seen through the innocent eyes of a child? Should my story relay the difficulties of a middle aged woman in a loveless marriage? How about a short story about an abortion? Or perhaps a story in which someone dies?

Those seem to be the constants of the short story writing at the Universidad De Technocracy. Mr. Oaf has been thinking that he might go about entering the competition on a purely cynical basis. If he can put together all the constituent parts from previous winners, his Frankenstein’s monster style short story (stitched up from bits and pieces of other stories) then he can romp home and win the big, big prize…

On the other hand, there is the option of trying to write a really good, original short story, that’s typed, spell checked and printed on one side of the paper only.

Teddy suggested that Mr. Oaf write a story about him; perhaps a short philosophical treatise, or a biographical sketch of the bear’s early years in the Royal Navy. Mr. Oaf has thought of an opening sentence to a story and might just stick with that, thank you very much Teddy. To wit:

“The day Hargeld Oaf’s bear spoke to him was an unusual day. The bear had looked like he had had something to say for years but had preferred to keep quiet. Although Hargled was startled, it soon became apparent the bear hand many interesting things to say, from short philosophical treatises to accounts of his early years in the Royal Navy…”

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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