Toisday-Toisday - 1:01 p.m.

A Start At least…

“She was called Christine Monster because she was so horrible. People were amazed at how bad she could be and someone, one night, late at a party, misheard her last name and called her ‘Monster’. It just stuck. She always had a surprised look on her face, as though she had just realised how ghastly she really was, but then she would speak and you’d quickly realise, no, Christine was still a monster.”

Shocking News From Rome

Our recent auditions for a bear for Tony and Tegan have proved fruitless. No bears seem up to the job. In the past we’ve auditioned some successful (and not so successful) bears. Teddy Sherringham who was chosen to be Rosie’s bear has been relegated to second division behind Dub Dog. Sherringham looked like he might go the distance but now it looks like he’s destined for the cupboard prematurely.*

Our proudest moment, however, has been a Dutch bear of our acquaintance named Klompen (on account of his outsize feet). He was found in Grace Bros. at Bondi Junction lurking around with some undesirable looking bears you wouldn’t bother giving the time of day to. He landed the tough job of being Romy’s bear against some stiff competition. We mentioned the last time some of the unfortunate things that can happen to a bear (abandonment, rougher than usual handling, etc) but we thought that Klompen (who now goes by the name of Teddy… pfft!) was OK.

But word came through this morning that “Teddy” is now wearing… a… dress. How ignominious. We grilled Jodi on what the deal was and she explained that Romy wanted to dress the bear up – literally. We consulted with Professori Di Teddi who, after hearing the details of the case, predicted that Klompen/Teddy was going to have some serious identity issues later on.

Mrs. Oaf Confesses Weird Dream

After Mr. Oaf told Mrs. Oaf his dream about Teddy on a motorized, amphibious skateboard, she had an equally mysterious dream. She claimed that she couldn’t remember the context of the dream but said that all she could recall was a cake with blue and white icing featuring Teddy on his skateboard. Mrs. Oaf wondered what that might mean. Mr. Oaf suggested that perhaps it was a message that she should go ahead and make such a cake. The reply was vague and non-committal –but that may have just been because Mr. Oaf had eaten a whole packet of Doritos in the car and he was feeling nauseous (or as American’s say “norsh-us”)and couldn't concentrate on the answer.

That's Some Mighty Big Conjones My Friend

Mr. Oaf was at the farewell for Jacqui Khiu last night. There were lots of Terraplanet types there (including HollyTheLiar, The Lovely Lee Tran and The Slightly Scary Alex). We were there to bid a fond farewell. Amazingly and without warning, who should shamble through the doors but... can it be... yes it was, Toby Creswell. For those of you who aren't up with the whole Creswell saga, let's just quickly say that he was responsible for almost every single person in the room to be either out of a job, in a new job that wasn't as good as the old one, or people (like Mr. Oaf) who are owed a considerable amount of money by his failed company (say $2,700). Mr. Oaf was gobsmackingly gobsmacked and had to comment to those present "you have to admire his conjones." Mr. Oaf then had a long, lingering thought that maybe he should have punched Toby Creswell's lights out way back in 1988 when he had the chance.

*Under no circumstances should you mention the word ‘cupboard’ to Teddy. He gets very weird and tense.

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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