Bad Case Of The Mondays - 11:49 a.m.

Buckley Q Bear Update

Apparently the ‘Q’ stands for ‘Q-Bert’ and the ‘Bear’ stands for ‘Bear’. He’s been putting on the screws, trying to inveigle his way into our hearts and our lives, coming up with all sorts of hair-brained schemes about why he should stay, all sorts of ridiculous jobs he could do around the office and so on. It’s been a very trying time. It would take a hard heart to turn him down, but luckily Teddy has taken him aside and explained that, as a bear, he’s destined for greatness in his own right and doesn’t need TEZNEZCO!. Buckley seemed unconvinced but has promised to be “good”.

Jacqui Khiu

It was a bit of a shock to receive an email from Jacqui Khiu the other day. She’s in New York now and you don’t often get emails from people in New York since its streets are paved with gold and all those exciting job opportunities limit your thinking to a point no farther than the next night club or coffee shop. Anyway, Jacqui Khiu wrote to us thusly:

“HI!!! I typed my name in GOOGLE and FOUND A COMMENT in TEZNEZCO on MY FEMULLET!!! @Q”

Well, that’s quite startling, isn’t it? Imagine typing your name into Google (or ‘googling’ as people are saying these days) and discovering that you get just three returns and one of them is a comment on a haircut you had once. Mr. Oaf thought it would probably be quite amusing. He then mentioned Jacqui Khiu’s email to Mrs. Oaf who remarked that if she was Jacqui Khiu she’d be livid.

“There’s no reason to assume that just because Jacqui Khiu used a lot of capitalization she’s annoyed,” claimed Mr. Oaf.

“You reckon?” said Mrs. Oaf.

“It may be surprise, as in OH – HOW PLEASANT TO DISCOVER A MENTION OF MY HAIRCUT ON THE INTERNET.”

“Face it,” said Penguin. “She’d be pretty annoyed.”

Mr. Oaf went back and read the Diaryland entry in context:

“The disturbing aspect of the card is centered on the fact that Teddy’s Doppelganger is wearing knitted yellow pants. It’s a fashion mistake by anyone’s standards, (even for Jacqui Khiu who now sports a demanding and very likely non-ironic femullet) and is a frightful example of why bears and pants just don’t add up…”

“It’s not that bad,” said Mr. Oaf. “This diary entry clearly says that Jacqui Khiu would know a fashion error when she sees one, and would know that yellow knitted pants on a bear are a mistake.”

“Really?” said Teddy.

“Yes.”

“I find that excuse to be highly suspect,” Teddy said, raising a paw majestically. “I put it to you that you were claiming that Jacqui Khiu had committed a grievous fashion mistake but even she would know that yellow knitted pants were too outre’”

“Um…”

“I put it to you that your defence is nothing but a tissue of lies, a backsliding attempt to rewrite the past into a from that suits you and, even if caught lying, you will turn around and say ‘yes, but it was true at the time’”.

“Yes, but I have a sixty five per cent approval rating.”

“Fine,” said Teddy. “You can’t be popular forever.”

“Well, I put it to you that you own a pair of yellow knitted pants.”

Teddy looked aghast.

“That’s an outrageous lie and I want it stricken from the record.”

It seemed they had reached an impasse.

“What are we going to do about Jacqui Khiu?” asked Mr. Oaf.

“I think we should mention her name whenever possible so that her Google hits increase,” said Nesbitt.

“Excellent idea,” agreed Teddy.

Teeth Out

Mr. Oaf had six teeth out in one go. Four “wisdom teeth” and two molars. Ouch.

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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