Freaky Friday - 12:51 p.m.

Frankly Worried

We were a little worried that the previous mentions of Jacqui Khiu would not be enough to assuage her legendary anger. (Although we had vowed to mention the name of Jacqui Khiu as often as possible, it seemed to have no effect on the number of returns you get on Google. All it did, in fact, was replace the old Jacqui Khui return with the new one – and as this one will no doubt replace the last one – and so on…).

Luckily, like so many other things, it was all in our minds. We received a new email from Jacqui Khiu and it was full of wonderful news from the magical town of New York City. To briefly summarise:

a. It is summer in New York

b. There isn’t much work because there is a “recession”

c. Jacqui Khiu is livin’ in Brooklyn

d. She is using her phrase book: “fok you!”, “Fagedaboudit!” and “Yo!”

Most importantly however, she has given us an update on her haircut:

“The Femullet is looking a bit misshapen at the moment. The stylist in Sydney created it, the New York ones (well, the ones I've been seeing read, cheap) just don't get it, especially the last one. So at the moment, it's like a tennis ball on the top, with some tassels on the bottom. You got it: completely bastardised, fucked up. Not happy Tez.”

Mutant Fish

Mr. Oaf was disturbed to read the other day that 95 per cent of the world’s wild, non-farmed Atlantic Salmon population has gone missing and is presumed dead. There was a report on the Sydney Morning Herald that people standing by streams around the UK and Europe waiting for the return of the salmon to their spawning grounds have seen fewer than 5 per cent of normal returns and “experts” simply have no idea what’s happened. Environmentalists and marine biologists have warned in the past that this is exactly what could happen – a sudden and total collapse of fish stocks. It was too late for the Orange Ruffy and god knows, it may be too late for salmon as well.

Fore some inexplicable reason, Mr. Oaf decided to entertain himself later that day by watching eXistenZ. What a mistake.

In the story, two rival gaming companies that make VR games utilizing biomechanical tech are at war. One company, the evil Cortical Systematics, has what they euphemistically call a “Fish Farm” where genetically modified amphibians are bred and slaughtered for parts that are then used in the gaming consoles.

There’s a long, bizarre, dream-like sequence where Ted Pikul (played by Jude Law) - as part of a game within a game - must infiltrate the Fish Farm, make contact with a secret agent from The Realist Underground and then assassinate the Chinese Waiter….

The truly disturbing effect of watching this film is that, barely three years old, eXistenZ is already looking like prescient prophecy rather than totally out-there fantasy.

It'll also put you off Yum Cha for life.

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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