Friday - Morning

Bears Scarper

No sooner had Mr. and Mrs. Oaf boarded the crowded and smelly flight to England when Teddy and Nesbitt headed straight for Plush Class. Not only do British Airways have a special class for bears (and similar) but they also provide an entirely separate aircraft.

While watching the inflight videos, Mr. Oaf was startled to discover that BA call their plush class Friends and provide an entire Concorde for their use. The video ad for the service shows a wide shot of a Concorde flying through a cloudless and lovely blue sky, then zooms into a window, through which can be clearly seen two bears carousing with champagne.

Mr. Oaf could only marvel at the airlines foresight and determination to capture the lucrative bear market. Meanwhile, Mr. Oaf had to contend with a number of factors – the man in the seat in front of Mr. Oaf had a body odor “issue” – which is to say he stunk to high heaven and the plane hadn’t even left the runway. The other problem was the girl and her mother who were sitting right behind Mr. Oaf. As the 23 hour journey crept on, Mr. Oaf realised that the two women were trying to set some kind of record by talking non-stop. He discovered that the mother intended to leave a half of one quarter of the value of her house to her grand children while the daughter’s friend Alison was getting married and although she didn’t think she was mature enough, she was really, really happy for her friend. Mr. Oaf also heard in great detail about their itinerary in Europe, their flights and some amazing observations. Over Eastern Europe somewhere, the daughter observed of the lights below “it’s interesting how the lights are in their own little enclosed systems” to which the mother replied “yes, they’re street lights.”

All the time that this non stop talkathon was continuing, Mr. Oaf could do nothing except stew in his seat while watching shots of bears having fun in their own private, first class jet.

Nesbitt’s Cousin Spotted At Heathrow

With scratchy eyes and a head full of blather, Mr. Oaf arrived in London. While standing in line to go through customs, Mr. Oaf saw a bear that looked exactly like Nesbitt, except he was hanging upside down, was nude and clearly drunk on gin.

When asked about this incident later, Nesbitt disavowed any knowledge and claimed that the bear was probably some relation of his. Although he had spent the previous day in Friends Class, he had refrained from gin and spent the time ice skating and playing rummy.

Man In Suit

Ah, the wonders of the big city! You may recall there was some consternation regarding Teddy’s wardrobe and what he wanted to bring on the trip. Talked out of his usual steamer trunk of hats, canes and spats, he simply brought a smart jacket and a blue tie. Imagine our shock and utter incredulity when we saw a man wearing a suit made entirely from Burberry.

“That’s London for you,” Nesbitt said.

Nesbitt Not So Smart Now

The small bear is currently refusing to leave his room for fear of being upstaged by cute animals. As you know, England doesn’t have many interesting birds and the cuter animals such as badgers and otters are rarely seen, but there was one creature that Nesbitt hadn’t counted on. While prancing about wearing a wig and saying “who is the cutest bear of all?” Nesbitt glanced out the window of the Girton Manse and saw a Squirrel bounding across the lawn, tail twitching, look to and fro, then bury a nut for winter. Nesbitt has been reclusive ever since.

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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