Wednesday - 11:35 a.m.

So Sad Now That William Has Gone Home

Here’s a tip if you ever go on holiday and you don’t want it to end: find someone to come home with you.

We did it and it worked a treat. William came back with us from New York and it felt like the last two weeks have been an extension of our holiday, what with all the frivolity, champagne and early nights under the minke rug.

The bears, meanwhile, have been in a mood since Duk left, Nesbitt getting all emotional as his little mallard friend flew away on a big ol’ jet plane and Teddy busying himself with paper work.

Perhaps we can cheer ourselves up by remembering some happy moments from our sojourn…

From The Holiday Files #1: Bunny Faffington Says ‘Hi!’

We were dining at the super expensive Craft restaurant when we noticed to our surprise that Bunny Faffington (of the Long Island Faffingtons) was dining with Chad Winslow (of the New England Winslows) and an unnamed second woman on the other side of the dining room. Creg Burns, who you’d remember was rowing with the Princeton Alums last summer at Kennbunkport, dropped by and told William that Bunny said “Hi!” and “do come over for an aperitif “.

We looked over and raised our glasses and smiled, indicating that we had moved on to champers, but perhaps we could meet for a cigar in the anteroom later? Bunny nodded, but it was hard to tell if she knew what we were pantomiming as she pointed at her mouth… She’s a lovely woman but a little vague these days. Creg idled near the table and filled us in on the all the happenings in the Village since we’ve been away. It turns out that Bryce Adams, our beté noir from Pierce & Pierce, is moving into Mergers and Acquisitions which is a bit of a pain as we’d been hoping to get some leverage on that position ourselves. Although never mind, as it turns out that Creg himself is now in Equities with J. P. Morgan and maybe he could have a word with his uncle? “No problemo”, said Creg, displaying an unexpected gift with languages.

From The Holiday Files #2: “You can’t sit down without a reservation…”

William took Mr. and Mrs. Oaf out for a nice drink after a hard day of sightseeing. He chose a classy bar located in the upper reaches of Grand Central Station, a room located at the very top of a marble staircase and through some heavy wooden doors. Mr. Oaf’s feet had been hurting for weeks on account of his inappropriate shoes – sturdy boots that are just fine in winter but hot and unforgiving in summer – and had gone to see the “good people” at Foot Locker. Now with a handsome pair of Converse One Stars, he was ready to meet the popultaion of New York on equal terms. As we entered the bar, the door maitre de looked at Mr. Oaf and his shopping bags saying, “And you’ll be wanting to put that bag with coat check won’t you?” Mr. Oaf, momentarily embarrassed mumbled ‘yes’ and exchanged his bag for a paper stub.

Although we weren’t allowed to sit down on any chairs (because you have to book in advance if you want to sit down), we admired the room, a fake Venetian palace that was the office of a railroad big shot back in the early 20th Century. (Teddy wasn’t that impressed, but he’s a hard bear to please). The “office” – now the bar – was huge and looked like a cross between Mr. Burns office in The Simpsons and the sitting room in the Kaine mansion in Citizen Kaine. We enjoyed some fine martinis while Mr. Oaf shambled about trying to find a crevice, niche or perhaps a small ledge where he might rest his arse.

Just as Mr. Oaf was about to sit down he saw a woman wandering around the bar with shopping bags. Incensed, Mr. Oaf began to make a scene, complaining loudly that some people were allowed to bring their shopping bags into this too-big-for-its-britches bar while certain others were denied. It was all very, very unfair. It was at this point that Mrs. Oaf pointed out that the woman’s shopping bag was a Manolo Blahnik bag and just as soon as Mr. Oaf started shopping in decent outlets and not plebian embarrassments like the Times Square FootLocker, then maybe he too could parade about in the bar with his shopping.

Mr. Oaf started swearing – as he does under stress – and was soon ejected by some burly security guards who threw him into the street with the words “and don’t come back, ya bum!”. New Yoik, it’s a hellava town.

Meanwhile Back At DiaryLand…

We really should get around to asking Ruthie how she managed to score a mention by Squirrel X, but we’re too busy to be worried about popularity right now. Instead we received this strange comment on the guest book:

“this was weird...bored and just searching names of people I know for no reason and found your little diary...v. cute. Signed: Mayles.

First of all, we don’t know who you are Mayles, but we like the fact that you found us and encourage you to come back. Second of all, we might have taken the comment “v. cute” as patronizing if it weren’t for the fact that it’s Nesbitt who is cute, Teddy is fairly cute, and the rest of us not very cute at all – Mr. Oaf being completely ugly, f’rinstance.

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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