Rin Tin Tin - 1:58 p.m.

Mr. Teddy Henfrey’s First Impressions

AT four o’clock, when it was fairly dark and Mrs. Hall was screwing up her courage to go in and ask her visitor if he would take some tea, Teddy Henfrey, the clock-jobber, came into the bar. “My sakes! Mrs. Hall,” said he, “but this is terrible weather for thin boots!” The snow outside was falling faster.

Mrs. Hall agreed with him, and then noticed he had his bag and hit upon a brilliant idea. “Now you’re here, Mr. Teddy,” said she, “I’d be glad if you’d give th’ old clock in the parlour a bit of a look. ’Tis going, and it strikes well and hearty; but the hour-hand won’t do nuthin’ but point at six.”

“It’s well buggered I’ll be jiggered!” Mr. Teddy exclaimed as he examined the clock, “The flange screw has come loose from the housing. I’ll best be off to Girton-town for spares, so I’ll be needin’ a flask o’ brandy, missus, to keep warm in the snow and these here thin boots.”

“You bloody piss pot,” Mrs. Hall wailed, “There be nuthin’ wrong with that time piece – it was merely a test to discover your propensity for booze!”

Strapping On The Old Mail Bag

So many requests, suggestions, bizarre statements and weird allusions have arrived by electronic mail that TEZNEZCO! (The Company Run By Bears!™) has been unable to keep up with the rush. Teddy has examined the following.

Weird Threats

We hasten to mention that, as far as threats go, we’re not even in the same league as our good friend Ruthiebat who was recently accosted in her front yard by some scamming lawn mower thieves. But there have been some mysterious messages all the same.

Pubslut checked into the Guestbook to say: “You shall stifle in your own report (40,000 words), and smell of calumny…”. We have absolutely no idea who Publsut is and why he or she took it upon herself to mention that we smell, but we took it as a vague threat – as in – YOU WILL smell of calumny – and how did her or she know about the 40,000 words? It was a novella, Publsut, not a “report”. Anways, Teddy says thanks for the support.

Insanity, Assumedly

HollyTheLiar recently dropped by, not to update her own long lost Diaryland diary, but to state via the magic of the Guestbook “I'll have you know i take issue with part 3 of your journey to insanity (paranoid and delusional, i'm assuming)!!!”. Well, point taken but we’ve already made up so why keep dragging this thing out? (This is all becoming reminiscent of Holly’s outrageous anti-Gonk statements of the recent past).

HollyTheLiar came back a week later and sent us an email that stated, under the subject header “My Mother Says” that ”Hurrah for Mr OAf the bears and Holly the liar!! Boo to tracy Moffat who is bleeding obvious!”. Thanks to Dr. Sue for the shoutout and yes, boo to Tracey Moffatt…

Bovine University

”I thought at first this was Dairyland, but there are NO COWS here. Instead, there's a lot of... er... whatever you call the stuff on here... Anyway, it's very creative…” says Something Small and Spiky.

“That’s well observed,” says Teddy, “How accurate.”

As if enraged by something SS&S came back a day later to say “Mr Oaf is very large, but cute??”. They didn’t mean, literally, “cute” but more that in the recent page where we mocked a fellow diarylander we were acting “cute”, rather than being “cute”. It’s a subtle but important differentiation which may be difficult for some…

Word Up From Jean Bug

Speaking of other missing Diarylander’s Jean Bug AKA Wastingspace, unexpectedly dropped by to say “I'm so sorry Teddy. I will not go see the movie seeing as to how you got no credit. THE JEANEROOSKI IS BOYCOTTING! Word…”.

Teddy says: “Thank you Jean, feel free to boycott, but please don’t do so on my behalf as I am now quite fond of the film in question.”

You see Jean, Teddy and Nesbitt are very fickle and now quite like Master and Commander…

And Finally, On The Subject of Ponies

We asked AtomicBuddah if she wouldn’t mind putting our diary on her list – it seemed like a long shot as she only lists diaries by women and we, as you already know, are not even human, let alone a part of the sisterhood – but we are still hopeful. We share so many interests: ponies (of the unpretentious kind), sunflowers and singing in the rain or all three at once and combined Frankenstein-style into a hideous ponyflower that can sing and dance in the rain to a hip Tuvan tune…

Well, joy be unto joy when we discovered the following:

”Oh I plan on listing you as a fave...but I didn't want to do it right away...didn't want it to seem like I was just doing it to reciprocate...wanted to keep it real, yo. Look for your listing in the very near future. It HAS to be a surprise.

“It’ll be like Christmas,” says Teddy.

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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