My Friend Flicka - 11:36 a.m.

Of All The Things…

You’d think Mr. Oaf would have more sense. Of all the things that he could get worried about, all the energy he could expend on more important things, he gets worried about the relationship of Alex and Amy.

Who? OK – let’s back track a little. Ever since Mr. Oaf was a little kid, getting up early in Saturday mornings to watch cartoons while eating a bowl of Coco Pops ™ in front of the box, it has became obvious that TV stations need to package cartoons up into “shows”.

Now, you’d think The Simpsons wouldn’t need any repackaging. But the difficult thing for Fox 8 is that The Simpsons runs for about 25 minutes, leaving an uncomfortable gap at the end of the commercial half hour. By the time they’ve run through 3 hours worth of episodes, that’s a whole 30 minutes to fill up – so why not just create a “show” around the program and then you’ve got all sorts of opportunities to flog prizes and have “competitions”???? Why not indeed!

You also need some hosts. Mr. Oaf well remembers TV programs of his childhood and the hosts. They were sort of loveable in a goofy way but would evaporate like dew from the grass on a hot summer’s morning once the holidays were over.

Enter Alex and Amy.

Fox 8 decided to package The Simpsons into The Simpsons Super Summer with Alex and Amy. Not only did you get three solid hours of Simpsons repeats every day, you also got the blonde, attractive hosts who took it in turns to discuss the episode that we had just seen, to wit:

“Homer really wanted that donut!” says Alex, gazing at the side of Amy’s head.

“Yeah!” replies Amy, looking straight down the barrel of the camera.

“But it was forbidden! Doh! But hey, Homer is a good guy.”

Amy is staring into the camera, a fixed grin on her face.

“Yeah!”

Amy was pretty easy on the eye and you could imagine that Alex was a popular kid in high school but wasn’t a jerk about it. He’d talk to fat girls and ugly kids and although he was in trouble sometimes, you know, he was really a good kid at heart.

That’s the theory. In reality Alex and Amy could barely speak, let alone ask questions, and the guests – a motley crew of old soap actors, fifth-ranking pop stars and sports people – couldn’t answer a question that wasn’t asked, to wit;

“You have a new gig out this week?” asks Amy confusing ‘gig’ with ‘cd’.

“Uh…” says the guest.

Amy turns to the camera and smiles….

It was around this time that Mr. Oaf became concerned for Alex and Amy’s relationship. He noticed that on the station ads between the episodes of The Simpsons that there were trailers for up-coming programs on the station. In one ad, Alex and Amy could be seen driving a sports car along in the countryside. They would arrive at a nightclub and discover that all the TV screens in the place were tuned to Fox 8. Alex would look around at the dancing people and smile while Amy, standing slightly behind him, looked a bit blank.

What was wrong with Amy? Was Alex ignoring her again, taking her for granted? Or was Alex just glad to the out of the house and away from all of Amy’s crazy demands? Was she insisting that his t-shirts be hung in colour-coded order again?

Mr. Oaf became concerned that things weren’t all they should be in the world of A&A.

Then the more recent promo for the Fox 8 Valentine’s Day Special showed a pretty shocking scene. Alex – for some reason this guy has shoulder length blonde hair rather like Amy’s – was having his hair done. He is seen smiling and talking to the person doing his hair. Amy, meanwhile, is seen looking on. The expression on her face is a monstrous mix of emotions – at once demented and determined, slightly crazed, yet coldly calculating. If she can’t have Alex, no one will.

It’s a chilling moment. Now that summer TV is over, Alex and Amy are no longer hosting The Simpsons and Amy is left to consider life without Alex. You can see her making fists with her hands and screwing up her face. I WILL KILL YOU ALL says Amy under her breath….

Mr. Oaf mentioned this theory to HollyBolly who claimed Mr. Oaf was over-reacting. According to Holly, Alex and Amy are made from ice and melt at the end of the program, only for new versions to be popped out of the fridge at the start of each new day…

Like we said, what is Mr. Oaf worrying about all this when there are so many other things to worry about?

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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