Nower - 5:49 p.m.

Teddy and Nesbitt’s Big Adventure Part 2

Nesbitt peeked out the door of the bathroom at the rows of people sitting in their plush, first class seats. A lady flight attendant was handing out canapés with one hand while topping up glasses of champagne with the other. There were empty seats, but Nesbitt had been barred. It was all so unfair.

Closing the door quietly and rummaging through his bags, Nesbitt thought that, with the right hat on, he might be able to talk his way into first class. People were always wearing hats in the more exclusive areas of international flights, and if he could just fashion a fetching topper or a Dutch girl hat, he’d soon be celebrated as an exciting new addition to smart society.

In his bag he found some coloured paper – the paper he had been going to give to Buster – and there was perhaps enough for a hat and a smart jacket. He began folding the paper and wondered how a bear of his position could be relegated to hiding in a toilet on board an airplane headed for Beijing.

At the airport the man at the ticket counter had not seen Nesbitt at all. The diminutive bear had to climb up on the counter before the dim fellow would even look at his ticket, and when he did, he merely said, “I’m sorry, but due to new international safety regulations, bears are not allowed to travel unaccompanied on flights.”

“But I am Nesbitt Los Zapatista! Of Mars!” he thundered.

The man looked unimpressed, straightened his tie, and then picked up a microphone and began making an announcement.

“This is the first call for flight QF666 to Beijing with connecting flights to Ulan Bator – would the passengers in seat numbers 1 to 10…”

Nesbitt could see that the man was going to continue to ignore him, so he quickly snatched the microphone away from the man and finished the announcement.

“Could the passengers in seat numbers 1 to 10 please turn around and look over there, there’s a big elephant in the Sanity records store signing copies of Don’t Call Me Baby. Quickly! Look! It’s very, very exciting!!!”

Soon there was a huge hubbub in the airport, people crowding in from other gates to see this alleged pop star elephant that had been advertised on the loud speakers.

"Where is the elephant, please, we must see an elephant," the people cried.

Nesbitt used the cover of confusion to make his way onto the airplane. As people came in and the seats began to fill up, Nesbitt made an attempt to get into first class but was barred by a ladies shoe. The shoe was attached to a foot, which was attached to a body, which was attached to a head that was looking down at Nesbitt.

“Can I help you…Sir?” the Lady Flight Attendant asked.

“I’m just going to my seat.”

“Oh… Well, can I see your ticket please?”

“Of course you can,” Nesbitt said as he rummaged through his pockets. After a moment he realised that the man at the ticket counter still had his ticket.

“I seem to have left it in my other suit,” Nesbitt said, before turning and making a quick dash down the aisle.

The Lady Flight Attendant gave chase.

“Stop that bear!” she screamed. “Get the air marshal!”

Luckily for Nesbitt, an old lady who was hard of hearing pressed a “Flight Attendant call button” which caused the flight attendant to stop in her tracks, turn to the old lady and say, “how may I help you today?”

Nesbitt hid in an empty toilet.

As he finished folding the hat he tried it on – it was a perfect fit – and although it was green, pink, orange and brown and made of paper, it was most definitely a “fashion item”. No one would turn him away now. He slipped on the coat and found that he had made it too long – it looked more like a dress than a coat, but it would have to do.

Nesbitt walked into First Class and looked around. Just as he was about to sit in an empty seat, the Lady Flight Attendant he had escaped earlier stepped forward.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you earlier,” she said apologetically. “Would you mind stepping over here Ms Albright?”

“I beg your pardon?” asked Nesbitt.

“You are Madeline Albright, former Secretary of State in the Clinton Administration aren’t you?”

“Yes, yes, I am,” Nesbitt said.

“Well, I’m sure you’re going to enjoy First Class Ms Albright, it’s very nice here, lots of leg room, lots of nice food…”

“Yes, nice food sounds… nice,” Nesbitt said, adjusting his voice so he sounded more like Madeline Albright. “Bring me a glass of butterscotch schnapps, a banana and a copy of Forbes Business Weekly.”

“Very well, Ms Albright,” the Lady Flight Attendant said. “Now if you’;d just like to sit over here, I think you’re in for a special surprise!”

“How so?” asked Nesbitt.

“An old friend of yours is here,” the woman said, gesturing at a tall man. “It’s your old pal from the United Nations, the Secretary General, Kofi Annan!”

Anan looked up from his copy of Time.

“Well, hello Madeline! You look ...fantassssstic!”

Nesbitt could tell by the way he was slurring his words that he was drunk.

“Remember what I told you last time,” Nesbitt said firmly as he sat down. “Keep your hands to yourself and your trousers on!”

To Be Continued.

bears in history - future bears

“This diary cracked me up, completely, perhaps the oddest diary I have ever read. I'm not sure if it's a takeoff on something or someone that I have somehow missed. Regardless, TEZNEZCO! chronicles the adventures of two bears and describe them as if they are a minority of some sort. The writing is disturbingly matter-of-fact as if it is perfectly normal to be writing about these bears as people. I like it; it's pleasantly novel" - Diaryreview

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